Welcome to MARCH! This is a significant month! March is women’s history month, it is national social workers month and March 8th holds double special meaning for me as it is both International Women’s Day and My BIRTHDAY!!!! March encompasses all of me and this month I will be sharing with you some more personal journeys. However, before I do that, I want to share a little bit about something I have been intentional about so far this year - periods of insulation.
For those who are doing a lot of emotional wellness work and/or spiritual work, insulation can be necessary
At the start of this year, I shared a message that I feel is being played out in so many ways: 2023 is the year of BEING. It is your opportunity to understand the journey you have been on, to integrate all of the knowing and to step forward into your fullness. This stage has been so eye opening for me, the more I step forward into the fullness of me, the more I feel called to be still/silent and when I...
When people experience trauma, whether it be abuse, neglect, or other forms of harm, they can develop coping mechanisms as a way to protect themselves.
By now, we have all heard about the concept of the 5 love languages, popularized by author Gary Chapman. It is a framework for understanding how individuals give and receive love. I have often referred to it in blog posts and even have a download about how you can apply this concept to engaging in self love.
The five languages include words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. While these love languages are typically viewed as positive and healthy ways to express and receive love, recently I have heard a few people say that they are simply born out of our trauma and therefore we shouldn’t encourage love through this lens.
When people experience trauma, whether it be abuse, neglect, or other forms of harm, they can develop coping mechanisms as a way to protect...
The first step in creating a sacred space is to find the right place.
Creating a sacred space for yourself is an important part of self-care and can be incredibly beneficial for your mental and physical health. A sacred space can be anything from a corner of your bedroom to an entire room in your home. It's a place where you can relax, unwind, and reconnect with yourself and the world around you. Reconnecting with yourself is critical to getting to know yourself, understanding your patterns and exploring the feelings that you have. Making sure that you are intentional about doing that in a location that feels safe for you, and that you hold sacred, ensures that you are in an optimal setting for that deep level of exploration. While, the most important factor to creating sacred space is intention and the energy that you bring into any practice, here are some tips on how to create a sacred space that will bring peace and joy into your life.
Choose the Right Place
Love is one of the most complex and beautiful emotions that humans experience. It is often portrayed in movies, books, and music as this perfect, magical feeling that makes everything right in the world. However, the reality of love is far from perfect. In fact, whether we are talking about self-love, intimate love, family love or platonic love, it's often messy, complicated, and imperfect.
Imperfections in love is the love of the human condition. It's about loving someone for who they are, even if they don't fit the idealized notion of perfection. This type of love is real, raw, and often much more meaningful than the fantasy of perfect love. It permits you to consider your true needs versus idealized needs and allows you to craft something that is perfect for you and the person(s) you are choosing to have a relationship with.
The fear of judgment is what often gets in the way of deep connection.
One of the most significant aspects of love is acceptance. When we love someone and...
“Safe” is defined in Merriam Webster’s Dictionary as “secure from threat of danger, harm or loss.” What safety looks like to everyone may be different depending on your lived experiences. If you want to even take it deeper (and y'all know I always do) your ability to feel safe can even be determined by your ancestral experiences and the way that your brain interprets information that it has heard about or perceived.
When we talk about safety we are not just talking about physical safety - the real or imagined threat of something happening to our bodies. We are also talking about emotional safety. Some questions that come up when we think about emotional safety may be:
Physical and emotional safety is THE foundation of our emotional wellbeing. And YET, we leave the task of creating that sense of...
For the past few months I have heard a message loud and clear that was repeated to me this weekend. I need to introduce you to the fullness of who I am.
I'm writing this from Cuba. Sitting on a rooftop in Havana at the close of a 3 day trip to complete some spiritual work.
In this moment I'm reminded of how far my life has come. I'm reminded of all the things that I wanted that I've worked hard for and all the blessings I've received. This journey has not been easy, but I'm grateful for the discomfort that I pushed through to be here…both figuratively and literally.
For the past few months I have heard a message loud and clear that was repeated to me this weekend. I need to introduce you to the fullness of who I am. I've told you about the therapist. I've let you in on the clinical understanding and knowledge that I've spent the last two decades accumulating. However, I've been nervous to fully let you see who I am and why my work is so different. For those of...
Grief is the experience of deep sorrow and longing. Many times we think of grief only from the perspective of the loss of a loved one, but the truth is that in experiences of trauma, and on our healing journey, grief shows up in many ways. You can grieve things you never received, the pain of experiences you've had, the loss of dreams.
I discovered a longing for a previous version of myself.
At the beginning of May I decided to be more intentional about embarking on a deeper level of healing. I discovered a longing for a previous version of myself. I wanted to be freer, more open in my search for partnered love and actually wanted to regain some of the naïveté/innocence that I had when I was younger.
As I went on this journey with a new helper I discovered that there was so much I had to grieve before I could find what I was looking for. The psyche is amazing! I had suppressed details of experiences that lived in my body and as I asked to heal...
We often hear the phrase you deserve better and when we hear that phrase we think about what other people need to do for us and what are the ways that other people show up that do not feel aligned with what we desire. We think about what are the things that other people do that "make" us feel bad or to have negative feelings about ourselves. We even consider what are the things that we accept in our relationships with others that put us in this place where we feel like we should have “more.” The more refers to the gap between what we offer others vs. what we're receiving; and what we expect vs. what is done; the potential of an experience vs. the reality of the experience.
Why do we accept less?
We stay in relationships and patterns because they serve us in some way. They serve a story that we tell ourselves about who we need to be and what we deserve. It helps us PROVE something.
The most common story that trauma teaches us is that we need to...
Healing is about learning your most authentic self. Although many people seek guidance from a therapist/coach/healer because they are in a place of discomfort or pain, I believe that the pain point is something inside of you pushing you out of your comfort zone to reach the place you are proposed to be.
Many of us “learn” how to show up in the world. We are given external consequences (rewards or punishments) for the things that we do or say. These consequences either expand our behaviors or they limit them. We then create meaning and internal stories about who we need to be and extrapolate that to future situations. When the consequences have been painful, our thinking about who we are and the options that we have in life can feel very limiting. It can feel like you are in a box and like your life is so small. For many, it can feel like pain is really all that there is. Whether the pain exists because you will never be fulfilled or it exists because you experience...
In recent weeks we have seen several Black public figures die by suicide. In each of these cases I have seen the question asked - what was wrong - because everything seemed right. I am sure that all of us have experienced being on one end of this experience or the other. We have either been the person or known the person who seemed like everything was good, but things, in fact, were not.
As I meet new clients, every time I start a new R.A.W. cohort, as I delve into new spiritual realms and continue on my own personal healing journey, the avoidance of vulnerability is ever present. Over and over again I'm confronted with the ways we feel we are expected to show up and the direct opposition to healing that creates. Over and over again I see the ways that many of us do not trust people to show up for us. Over and over again I see the ways that we do not fully trust ourselves to investigate that gut instinct we have that something is brewing, something is wrong, something needs to...
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