Discomfort is probably the most challenging thing for us to sit through. I am someone who, typically, curates my life in such a way that I limit my discomfort. I work hard so that I can resource a lot of my personal needs. For instance, I have a housekeeper that comes twice per month, I order my groceries to be delivered, I use Ubereats frequently and feel no guilt and right now I have a personal chef who prepares my meals because my diet is very different from that of my daughter.
I do not like discomfort! That is, unless it comes to dealing with my emotions.
I am currently going through what is known in my spiritual tradition as "the year in white." As a newly initiated priest in Lucumi (an African spiritual tradition), I have dedicated the next year of my life to understanding myself more and studying spiritual science. This process builds discipline, helps you to focus on your personal values, as well as provides a unique opportunity for me to immerse...
Yesterday I received two texts that summed it up for me. They both said "he was ours..." and it helped me understand my tears.
As I was sitting in my stylists chair finishing a new braided hairdo, a look on IG confirmed what I didn't want to admit I feared - DMX was dead at the age of 50. We both fell silent as I looked at reputable page after page to seek confirmation. X was dead and internally I battled to discover why I felt so sad.
I did not know DMX personally. He was merely a public figured. He battled substance abuse for most of his life. He lived a life of poor decisions. How could I not think this would happen. You only knew him through his music and interviews. These were my thoughts as I tried to rationalize my grief.
But as I dug deeper I realized that I was mourning DMX because I DID know him personally. Through his public persona, I came to understand the battles of Earl Simmons: the boy who was physically abused by his mother; the teenager that was placed in...
This year many of us were “forced” to do things that we would not have wanted to do. We could not spend as much time with family, our travel was halted, our ability to move was limited. There was even a period of time when we had no clue what was going to happen next. Some of us may say that we’re still in that time. Because truthfully who knows what will happen next? But, in a world that is changing, what are you willing to change?
2020 for me has been a milestone year because it reminded me of all the things that I wanted that I have denied myself. It reminded me that I really really value the life of ease. Not easy but ease. And I have not had that simply because of all of the stories I told myself about who I needed to be and what I needed to be doing and what success looks like. 2020 put me to sit the fuck down. And the truth about my life is that God sees fit periodically to sit me the fuck down. It’s because I don’t always listen. I...
"However, "best" can simply mean what is the best we have for this moment, based on these circumstances."
As we enter holiday season 2020 there are many people who are dreading this year. The things that we normally do may not be options. A lot of us are far from the people that we love. Some feel stuck and almost all of us feel shamed, in some way, to do what is the "right thing." Deciding what you can do this year feels hard. When we consider what is "best" our mind typically thinks, "greatest of all time." However, "best" can simply mean what is the best we have for this moment, based on these circumstances. This year, these circumstances bring some limitation, but it does not exclude all options. Here are 4 tips to help you create your best plans for this holiday season.
Living in a COVID-19 world has been traumatic for all us. What we know (and what you've heard me say over and over) is that trauma impacts the nervous system....
"While I know many people are framing this experience as one of joy, what I am seeing is a release of anxious energy that is as complicated as the systems that we are asked to function in. "
It’s 4:48am and I can’t sleep anymore this evening. I’ve been up for about an hour thinking about how I am feeling and trying to sort through emotions, so excuse me if this feels a little jumbled. This is on my heart today...
Yesterday felt like a collective sigh of relief for so many. I have to admit that I live in some kind of a bubble. I have moved to suburbia. Social distancing means that I rarely physically interact with people who do not live in my home. I do not engage with the news regularly for extended periods of time and I am so careful about curating my social media that I only see the things that are relevant to my daily experiences. For these reasons, much of the intensity of the world I see through the eyes of my clients and the ladies who are in...
The world feels like a funny place right now and I don't mean "haha" funny. Maybe weird, ironic, unsettling would feel like better words to use. There seems to be so much "in the air" and for those of us who are used to feeling settled, it can leave us with a swirling head, not knowing what to choose, which way to go our how to even just BE.
As I listen in all of the spaces I find myself (social media, conversations with friends and colleagues, in sessions with clients) we all seem to feel like we are in perpetual transition. As Black people, we probably feel like we are in transition more often than most. Between the pandemic, reports of a looming economic crisis, righteous civil unrest AND this election, alot of people are feeling anxiety. The type of anxiety that has you feeling like you are at the bottom of a large heap of "stuff" and it is all suffocating you.
If this is you, here are 3 tips to help you manage what is happening.
I know you hear it all...