In recent weeks we have seen several Black public figures die by suicide. In each of these cases I have seen the question asked - what was wrong - because everything seemed right. I am sure that all of us have experienced being on one end of this experience or the other. We have either been the person or known the person who seemed like everything was good, but things, in fact, were not.

As I meet new clients, every time I start a new R.A.W. cohort, as I delve into new spiritual realms and continue on my own personal healing journey, the avoidance of vulnerability is ever present. Over and over again I'm confronted with the ways we feel we are expected to show up and the direct opposition to healing that creates. Over and over again I see the ways that many of us do not trust people to show up for us. Over and over again I see the ways that we do not fully trust ourselves to investigate that gut instinct we have that something is brewing, something is wrong, something needs to...

The time has come for us to say good-bye to 2021. And just like ending 2020 it seems like there is so much that surprised us about this year as our world consistently seems to be turned upside down on its head. It seems like there are very few things we can plan for and very few things that we can say that we know for certain. 

The truth is, we never knew these things but we used to be able to trick ourselves. 

My ask for you is to be okay with that. I know that is hard. I know that a part of the story we create and the “thing” that we do is to prepare. We prepare by wanting to know who will be present, what we will be doing, what the outcomes will be so that we can decide how we will behave. We believe that this is what will make things okay. And in the world that we know today, we do not know any of these things so many find themselves feeling lost, despondent and anxious. The truth is, we never knew these things but we used to be able to trick ourselves....

I often say that "healing" is a journey home to self. It is the development of such a deep connection to self that when discomfort, pain and trauma triggers show up you know what is happening and you have the skills to be able to choose how you desire to respond to. You are no longer simply moving and reacting to things, but there is a process you engage in when things occur that allow you to center and choose. 

There are very few of us that will ever be devoid of trauma triggers, ego, anxiety or sadness. These things will show up in our lives in some way over and over and over again. Life is filled with so many variables that will impact us and that will impact how we view the world and behave. But this "journey" of healing is about going inward, going so deep that you know yourself so well and understand your patterns, your choices and what it takes to take care of you so that no matter what happens you don't feel broken. 

One of the greatest aspects of self care IS...

The past few days have been very interesting for me. I’ve been paying attention to the discussion on social media about Black women only spaces and if they are necessary for healing. This is something that has come to my mind often as I developed my practice and as I decided to create R.A.W.: Real, Aware & Whole. This weekend I think I finally found the words to describe it. 

I’ve toyed around with discussing this topic before but really didn’t have the language for it. Maybe it was fear about the reactions of others that stopped me from even trying to think it through. Exclusive spaces and therapy work goes against all my formal education. But as I committed to writing this over the past week, there have been events in my life that have shown me EXACTLY why Black women need spaces for us and by us that support us in our healing.

“Why’d you send me to this white school.”

On Friday, my daughter went to her first homecoming dance. Where...

Here we are 1 ½ years from the time that the world first went into lock down. We enjoyed the summer and all the opportunity for activity, but now many are being triggered by the demands to return to the more traditional aspects of pre-pandemic life: out-of-home work and school.

For many, when the world first “stopped” there was a sigh of relief. Yes, we were scared about what COVID meant for our health and the safety of our friends and families, but we also thought that for a few weeks we could live life differently and engage with work and our social life on our own terms. Sure, we missed some of the things that we wanted to do, and the freedom of doing things the way that we wanted to do them, but we learned to create a way of living that met many of our needs. Not having to leave the house daily meant that we could curate lifestyles that prioritized our wellness in whatever way best suited us. Maybe that meant waking up later, working out more, cooking at...

This blog entry is not a substitute for medical advice. This is my personal experience and information received from my own research. This article is not to suggest that any remedies used will absolutely work for you. For any information on COVID-19, please consult your personal physician.

I have been trying to figure out how to talk about this issue for a while. COVID has impacted all of our lives, in so many ways. But perhaps the most troubling thing to me of late is how we are choosing to live with the uncertainty that this disease brings. Yes, we have seen so many people die from it in the past year. It has limited our social interactions and business interactions. Some people are angry at what is, what has been and what could be. For many, hope feels limited. But what is breaking my heart is the level of anger, lack of empathy and divisiveness that has been driven by, what I believe to be, fear based reporting on this topic. 

 I know what happens to our...

Discomfort is probably the most challenging thing for us to sit through. I am someone who, typically, curates my life in such a way that I limit my discomfort. I work hard so that I can resource a lot of my personal needs. For instance, I have a housekeeper that comes twice per month, I order my groceries to be delivered, I use Ubereats frequently and feel no guilt and right now I have a personal chef who prepares my meals because my diet is very different from that of my daughter. 

I do not like discomfort! That is, unless it comes to dealing with my emotions. 

I am currently going through what is known in my spiritual tradition as "the year in white." As a newly initiated priest in Lucumi (an African spiritual tradition), I have dedicated the next year of my life to understanding myself more and studying spiritual science. This process builds discipline, helps you to focus on your personal values, as well as provides a unique opportunity for me to immerse...

Yesterday I received two texts that summed it up for me. They both said "he was ours..."  and it helped me understand my tears.

As I was sitting in my stylists chair finishing a new braided hairdo, a look on IG confirmed what I didn't want to admit I feared - DMX was dead at the age of 50. We both fell silent as I looked at reputable page after page to seek confirmation. X was dead and internally I battled to discover why I felt so sad.

I did not know DMX personally. He was merely a public figured. He battled substance abuse for most of his life. He lived a life of poor decisions. How could I not think this would happen. You only knew him through his music and interviews. These were my thoughts as I tried to rationalize my grief.

But as I dug deeper I realized that I was mourning DMX because I DID know him personally. Through his public persona, I came to understand the battles of Earl Simmons: the boy who was physically abused by his mother; the teenager that was placed in...

This year many of us were “forced” to do things that we would not have wanted to do. We could not spend as much time with family, our travel was halted, our ability to move was limited. There was even a period of time when we had no clue what was going to happen next. Some of us may say that we’re still in that time. Because truthfully who knows what will happen next? But, in a world that is changing, what are you willing to change?

2020 for me has been a milestone year because it reminded me of all the things that I wanted that I have denied myself. It reminded me that I really really value the life of ease. Not easy but ease. And I have not had that simply because of all of the stories I told myself about who I needed to be and what I needed to be doing and what success looks like. 2020 put me to sit the fuck down. And the truth about my life is that God sees fit periodically to sit me the fuck down. It’s because I don’t always listen. I...

"However, "best" can simply mean what is the best we have for this moment, based on these circumstances." 

As we enter holiday season 2020 there are many people who are dreading this year. The things that we normally do may not be options. A lot of us are far from the people that we love. Some feel stuck and almost all of us feel shamed, in some way, to do what is the "right thing." Deciding what you can do this year feels hard. When we consider what is "best" our mind typically thinks, "greatest of all time." However, "best" can simply mean what is the best we have for this moment, based on these circumstances. This year, these circumstances bring some limitation, but it does not exclude all options. Here are 4 tips to help you create your best plans for this holiday season. 

1. How you perceive it matters.

Living in a COVID-19 world has been traumatic for all us. What we know (and what you've heard me say over and over) is that trauma impacts the nervous system....