“Safe” is defined in Merriam Webster’s Dictionary as “secure from threat of danger, harm or loss.” What safety looks like to everyone may be different depending on your lived experiences. If you want to even take it deeper (and y'all know I always do) your ability to feel safe can even be determined by your ancestral experiences and the way that your brain interprets information that it has heard about or perceived.
When we talk about safety we are not just talking about physical safety - the real or imagined threat of something happening to our bodies. We are also talking about emotional safety. Some questions that come up when we think about emotional safety may be:
Physical and emotional safety is THE foundation of our emotional wellbeing. And YET, we leave the task of creating that sense of safety up to other people. While it is true that others can support in the creation of a safe environment for us, really the job of safety starts with us and begins with our ability to believe that we can care for ourselves.
There will always be circumstances where you can, rightfully, anticipate there to be some emotional harm. Feelings get hurt every day, perspectives are consistently challenged, needs will go unmet. So it’s not that these things HAPPEN or even the feelings that we have a result of them happening that determines our safety. It is what we are able to do to take care of ourselves WHEN they happen.
How does your heart recover? How do you hold space for the thoughts in your head? How do you move forward? Do you know when to remain in a relationship or WHY you may want to?
Most of us have never been taught to honor when we feel unsafe, much less what to do about it when we do.
The threat that shows up isn’t the "thing" that occurs. The threat is the hurt in the body, the behavior that you choose and the consequences that can come from the behavior. Safety comes from your capacity to take care of yourself through the difficult moments and still be in alignment with your truest version of yourself in every moment.
Safety will always come from having the right tools for you and being able to understand yourself so deeply that you know when and how to use them.
Here are 5 easy steps to help you return to safety:
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